One Thousand, Four Hundred and Sixty Days

Image(037) Although I could only watch you through the window and they told me it was hopeless, I felt your power and your strength. You were everything to me. Beauty, love, hope. Despair, doubt, and denial surrounded you, but your heart was a shining beacon that called to me silently, pleading for faith. I handed everything to you those days. My life, my future, my faith, my belief in God. And I have been so rewarded. Although I never would want to return to those days during which you suffered and were in pain, I do long for that conviction again. That complete faith. That sense of hope.

Looking back now, it seems so far away. How can four years have passed? In those four years you have given us great gifts of everyday life and you have scared me worse than I have ever been scared before. One thousand, four hundred and sixty days that I could not have lived without you. One thousand, four hundred and sixty days you have taught me about life and death, hope and faith; and I am grateful for every single moment of each one, good and bad.

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I kissed your fingers and forehead

So relieved you had arrived that early April morning

Hugged your mommy and left her to rest

The ringing phone interrupted my dreams of you

The frightened voice crying on the other end saying something was wrong with you, come quick

I gazed at you through the window, now with tubes and wires instead of a little pink hat

Doctors rocking my foundation with words about strokes and massive brain damage

“You can let her go. Unhook and let her be. We will support you.” They intoned quietly.

You whispered in my heart, “I am here. I am love. Have faith in me and God.”

Eleven days of hell on earth, watching through the window. Never hearing good news.

“We will take her home. We believe.”

One thousand, four hundred and sixty days we’ve had now. Every one of them a gift I cherish.

Today we celebrate your fourth birthday. A miracle.

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20 Comments

  1. That was beautiful! Happy Birthday to the little lady!!!!

    jenn’s last blog post..My Take On Entrecard

  2. *sniffles* She’s so beautiful! Happy birthday, Ladybug!!!

    Lesley’s last blog post..House Guest INC

  3. Mar

    Happy Birthday Ladybug!!

  4. That’s so sweet – I hope she has an awesome birthday with lots of cake!!! :-0…

  5. Happy birthday to the little sweetie! You made me cry Vixen!!

    Anna’s last blog post..EC Top Droppers for March

  6. What a lovely tribute!

  7. Oh my. Bless your heart and bless hers. Happy birthday, babygrrrll! And happy OtGF, mama!

    Thorne’s last blog post..Only the Good Friday – It’s For the Birds!

  8. Happy Birthday and what a beautiful tribute to LadyBug.

    Maria@Conversations with Moms’s last blog post..Of all the things to take after me….Sleepwalking?

  9. Happiest birthday little Ladybug.

    Wacky Mommy’s last blog post..here’s what i can do.

  10. Happy birthday! Sweet and poignant poem. I love your family.

  11. Happy Birthday to such a sweetie. What an awesome tribute.

  12. Way to go, you made me cry. One thousand, four hundred and sixty priceless days, I am so thankful.

    Funsize’s last blog post..The News

  13. Happy, happy birthday, beloved little girl.

  14. Ladybug is so precious. Happy “new year” to her. May she grace your life for tens of thousands of years to come.

    This Eclectic Life’s last blog post..My Neck Of The Woods. Lucy’s On The Square in Celina, Texas

  15. Sue

    Happy Birthday to your little miracle. :)

  16. What a sweetie pie!! Happy Birthday!!

    Becki’s last blog post..10 Random Things for a Friday

  17. DJ

    I hope she had a wonderful 4th birthday!

  18. Happy, happy birthday. Miracles do happen – I live with one too.

    Stine’s last blog post..Bomb Scare Update

  19. That was really beautiful :-) I am so glad to be able to read and see someone whose got so much joy in their lives.

    God Bless you and yours

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  20. Oh, most happy birthday and what a beautiful post! I’m so glad you have your miracle baby in your life and have had four years of joy.

    mountain woman’s last blog post..Excitement in the Pasture!

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