Thank you for teaching me about heirloom seeds and inspiring me to plant a garden this year. Last night we tasted our first ears of corn, the Stowell’s Evergreen Sweet Corn. It was seriously the tastiest corn I have ever, ever had. The flavor was simply amazing. I know I should take some of the credit for growing the stuff, but I have never had corn that sweet and flavorful before, so the seeds must take some of the credit. Tonight we are trying our first harvest of green beans and I can hardly wait.
Dear Nerves and stuff,
I know I was a bad, bad girl and I waited too long to seek treatment, but I have suffered enough already. Stop being so sympathetic to my poor vertebrae. Let them heal, alone,and in peace. And tell your star, Mr. Sciatic Nerve, to shut the hell up. We have heard enough from him to last a life time.
Dear MediCal and Social Worker,
Thanks for absolutely nothing. You suck. I shouldn’t have to spend three hours sobbing on the phone to get some pain pills after being discharged from the hospital. And don’t you dare ever say “it’s just like insurance, you have a deductible” to me again. It is nothing like insurance. With insurance I don’t have to pay the $1016 dollars up front hours after surgery in order to get anymore treatment. And as for you, social worker, you should return your messages the day they are left by sobbing women. Otherwise, your mailbox will tell me it is full and that I should call back another day and I will lie awake all night dreaming about hunting you down and filling your mail box with dog shit.
Dear Walker Manufacturers,
Please make the handle parts softer and cushier on your walkers, my hands are sore already. Also, those rubber things do NOT slide so just manufacture them with tennis balls on them already so cripples and old folk don’t have to buy and cut tennis balls themselves.
Dear Manufacturer of Pain Pills,
I love you. You are the best. I think about you every few hours. Hugs and kisses.
Dear Hospital Admissions,
If you call my room 15 minutes after I get back from recovery, don’t expect me to remember the conversation. Anesthesia does cause memory loss you know. Also, you might want to give your patients a little time before you start harrassing them, after all after spine surgery we aren’t running off anywhere too fast.
Don’t laugh at me when I call you on your cell phone in the next room to tell you I have sunk into the couch and I am stuck. It hurts when I laugh. Have some consideration.
Dear Prune Juice,
Do your duty already, you lazy cup of foul tasting stuff.
Stop growing up. Just slow down for a bit while I recuperate. I am over sensetive and seeing you go off looking all gown up and professional yesterday caused me to cry.