I See The Storm Gathering

I see the storm approaching this time. No surprises, I think. Before we were unprepared, we didn’t even know what had hit us at first. We were blind sided and knocked out cold. But now, the skies have cleared a bit and I can see the storm coming. Relentlessly, it bears down upon me and I watch as it hits the rickety repairs we have made around our hearts. I stand, transfixed, as it rips at the foundation we have laid in the last year. I want to run and hide. I want to find a shelter where it cannot touch us. I want to be like the eagle, I really do.

Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.

Old grief, new grief. Grief that never left for some. New scars, old scars. Wounds ripped open and new ones being created. I want to fly above it all, yet I want to be there. In the middle of the storm. Passing sandbags to shore up weak hearts. Boarding up the windows on our souls. Mopping up the torrential downpour so no one slips and falls into the abyss. Collecting blankets to keep us warm during the flood of pain. Handing out first aid supplies to stave of infections of the heart. Building shelters to minimize destruction of our psyches.

Or just…..

Turning back time, so it never came.

Endlessly, it seems, the storm crashes over us. I cannot see where we are headed, but I know if we just hang on we may find the light on the other side of the clouds. I’ll just keep them moving along with me. After all, the storm will blow itself out eventually…..

I hope.

And Collin, I know you are in heaven watching us fumble along through this and I love you.

Previous

Soup du Jour

Next

Some people only dream of Angels, we held one in our arms

19 Comments

  1. I’m holding out a hand for you to grab on to. Hold on tight, and may the storm give way to sunshine and blue skies.
    .-= avasmommy´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday – Let’s Talk Music =-.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a rough time – storms can be so hard to weather. I hope you all come through the other side even stronger.

  3. holding on to you tight…. and wrapping you in a blankie.
    .-= nic @mybottlesup´s last blog ..i did it =-.

  4. Love to you. And lots of hugs.

    You know where to find me if you need anything.

    xoxo
    .-= AMomTwoBoys´s last blog ..Damn It, I Liked It =-.

  5. *big giant hugs* That was beautiful and heart wrenching. I’m so sorry! You’re all going to make it, though I know it must seem like you won’t. *HUGS HUGS HUGS*
    .-= Lesley´s last blog ..OCD Packing List Part 1: In the Car =-.

  6. Mar

    Today and everyday we will offer our prayers to baby Collin. Sunday, as much as I wish I could be at his mass with you, we will light a candle in his memory.

    Holding all of you in my heart now and always.
    .-= Mar´s last blog ..Word Travels Fast =-.

  7. You make the agony sound so poetic. I know that does not help but I am so hoping and rooting for you and your family. How is your back doing, better I am hoping too. I will send more good karma and thoughts your direction. Bye for now. J
    .-= Julia´s last blog ..Gemma Horse is Growing Up =-.

  8. Oh hon! I am so sorry you had to go through this. I have just read through the old posts because I didn’t know what had happened.

    Oh. oh oh oh…

    sending the hugs you so need ((((())))))

    I don’t know what else to say…but hugs…
    .-= Moon HalloranLeady´s last blog ..Of Perfect Love and Perfect Trust =-.

  9. Hugs and love. Lots and lots of love.
    .-= PrincessJenn´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday =-.

  10. My thoughts are with you. Sending love and hugs and prayers and strength to you and your family.
    .-= Nickie (@nsmith729)´s last blog ..Girl Talk Thursday #1 =-.

  11. Oh I didn’t know. I am so sad for you. Sending you hugs from across the country.
    .-= Kristin´s last blog ..I just want the MRI dammit! (now updated with more rant!) =-.

  12. I’m so sorry. I wish their were better words to say, more helpful words to say, but I know there isn’t.

    Just know, we’re all here for you today. Hugs.
    .-= Issa´s last blog ..Bittersweet revisited =-.

  13. I know what you mean about seeing the storm coming and wishing there was some way to soar above it and avoid all that pain.. I’ve been there myself.

    Big hugs to you. You use your words well. 🙂
    .-= ChurchPunkMom´s last blog ..The Lacey Blanket =-.

  14. Sending hugs your way and heartfelt hope for peace beyond the storm.
    .-= SandyCarlson´s last blog ..Blog Your Blessings: Philadelphia =-.

  15. Just here…listening…knowing you’re out there. I hear you.
    .-= Jamie´s last blog ..No subject. =-.

  16. (((HUGS)))
    .-= Anna´s last blog ..Top Droppers for July =-.

  17. Prayers. Just prayers. Thinking of you guys.

  18. DJ

    I know it’s been a traumatic year for you and your family in so many ways. I hope that with each year that passes, those storms become a little more peaceful for you.
    .-= DJ´s last blog ..Frogs and Tadpoles =-.

  19. You’ve had so much struggle and pain this last year or so. I wish this season would shift for you; I pray that it will soon.
    .-= On a limb with Claudia´s last blog ..Unconscious Mutterings : Week 341 =-.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén