I’ve been worrying about what to blog about. There is so very little going on around here, except sewing, that I haven’t had any ideas. I spend my days worrying about how if I don’t blog, I won’t make the connections I need to stay positive and to meet more people to market my aprons to. I worry about where the money for the rent and utilities and food are going to come from. My last disability check paid through November 12th. Apparently, when my surgeon originally completed the forms he thought I would be better by then. When I saw him on the 11th of November, he decided I need a contrast MRI due to my continued inability to work. The MRI must have prior authorization from Medi-Cal (in spite of the fact that I must pay the first $1000 of any medical costs each month). I am still awaiting approval. So I worry, when they do approve it, will the MRI company take payments? I am sure the disability payments will catch up eventually, but in the meanwhile we have zero income. I have been selling quite a few aprons, one or two a week, but how does two people survive financially on that meager $60 a week? I am blessed that the person whom I rent from is not going to kick me out (at least not yet, as far as I know), but I use what we get to eat, buy toilet paper: basics. It doesn’t pay for the blood work I need to have done before my regular MD will refill my diabetes medications. They ran out this week.
I was reading this article by Mir Kamin, Facing The Holidays During Financial Crisis, and I realized that I wasn’t really worried about the holidays. Even with all the other worries on my mind, I haven’t been letting it get me down. I just keep pushing through each day. I get a little down when the mail comes each day and there is no response from SSDI regarding Mr. Vixen’s ruling. Mostly I get angry about it because they said it would be about 30 days and it’s already been 90. Still, I get over it all and move through; doing what I can to stay upbeat and survive. Mir’s article reminded me of the really lean years when our kid’s were younger. How much I worried Christmas would be ruined for them. I am not much about getting gifts, but I really do love to give them. Reading the article reminded me that I have one less thing to worry about during this difficult time because my children are all adults now. I don’t have to explain, they already know. It’s a blessing really, to know that I can enjoy the season without the worries.
So the point of this long winded (and possibly confusing) post was that I didn’t know what to post because there just isn’t much happening. And I wouldn’t care about not posting, except that I value the interaction I get online and that I am trying hard to learn about marketing myself (ApronFrenzy) and making connections and I worry that I might miss out on opportunity when it knocks. And then my phone rang.
It was my mother, asking if I had talked to Great. I had, about a week ago, but not about what my mother was calling regarding. You see, Great made a decision not to talk to people about this matter for now because of the season. The matter being: last week, my grandmother (aka Great) had a follow up mammo which discovered a large dense mass in her remaining breast. Long time readers will know that Great is a survivor of breast cancer (and lymphoma) and has been breast cancer free since her partial mastectomy and chemo treatment in 2003. Today she went for an MRI to further diagnose this new mass. We await results.
And, suddenly, I just want boring back. I want to have nothing to write here except to post new aprons I’ve made this week. I want to worry about finding some media guru to take me under their wing and help me market enough aprons to buy Christmas dinner. I want to go back to worrying about the same mundane crap that I worry about everyday, so don’t bother writing about. I want boring back, I’d even take mundane. But I won’t allow that wordthatbeginswithc back. I just won’t. And if the power of positive thinking has any power at all? Then I’ve got that aced.