‘Big Boned’ Tuesday (aka Fat Tuesday)

I’m fat. I never realized it until I got Calypso. And saw myself in pictures.

I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know why it happened.

Perhaps there is some medical reason. Perhaps it is my own fault.

I’ve never felt this uncomfortable in my body in my entire life. It’s not about body image, obviously, because I didn’t even notice it had happened. I truly mean  I am physically uncomfortable. It’s disturbing me. It doesn’t seem to be about self control, as I’ve been on weight watchers for weeks now and it’s not hard for me. They gave me points and I find recipes I like and I stay well within my points. I am not hungry, it’s not difficult.

I don’t mind how I look, I mind how I feel while I look this way. The way my clothes fit is uncomfortable, even painful at times. My movements are restricted. My flexibility is nil.

I can’t imagine how I could battle this all my life. It saps all my energy, mentally and physically.

I’ve changed my diet completely. I’ve increased up my physical exercise.

I just want to breath again. Like I used to.

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3 Comments

  1. oh sweets, you are not alone on this one.

  2. Mar

    If I can loose what I did, so can you!

  3. Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, is the worst. I can totally relate. This is might sound crazy but do you have any interest in taking a dance class of some sort? It is invigorating for mind, body & soul, plus you’ll work different parts of the body that you maybe don’t work in your regular exercise routine. I don’t know, just an idea. I just started taking hip hop and I love it. And I sweat in there like I don’t sweat in any other workout and it always makes me feel better! xo

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