Renegades is a better word. It implies a spirit of adventure.

The doctor tried to break the news gently. She promises that in time I will overcome their careless disregard of consequences. That my sense of abandonment will dwindle. The ugly truth? My hormones up and left me. They flew the coop without even a kiss goodbye. Snuck off in the dead of night, leaving only a few stragglers. They didn’t warn me. They gave no notice of their intentions. Like deserters who knew we were going to lose the battle, they absconded while their general looked the other way.

Perhaps I knew deep inside, because I’ve been crying lately. I don’t know why I cry. Perhaps it’s their legacy: Tears for no reason. Happy tears, sad tears; random and unexpected tears at any given moment. That is not all they left behind, those hormonal cop-outs. There is the 30 pound weight gain in two months, a fatigue as deep and dark as the Marian Trench, a firestorm of evil probiotics wreaking havoc in my gut, and a vitamin D deficiency that I am sure is degenerating my bones as we speak. Farewell gifts I could do without.

I thought I had a few years left. Or, perhaps, I thought I was younger than I am. Years have a way of sneaking up on a person. One day you are cuddling babies, the next surviving teenagers, then one morning you wake up and you’re a grandmother. Time and hormones are stealthy like that: creeping up on you slowly, distracting you with their might, deceptively lingering only to vanish without warning.

I’ll tell you what I am going to do:

I am firing my ovaries.

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10 Comments

  1. I fired mine a while ago. Sorry I can’t say no sweat to this problem…

  2. Oh my.
    Karen recently posted..Get Organized!

  3. Oh, so very sorry. I must say when mine left, I didn’t even know they were gone or missing. It didn’t change anything for me physically so I guess I was lucky. I know about baby envy though. It’s hard to shake. Hang in there and there are better hormone free days ahead.
    Mountain Woman recently posted..A Mountain Man Original Ranch For Sale

  4. Awww I hope your hormones or lack there of get themselves settled soon and don’t keep making you feel bad! *HUGS*

  5. Oh, I am sorry Vixen, hope you feel better and healthier after firing the ovaries? I’ll keep you in prayers.
    betchai recently posted..Mission Bay Wildflowers

  6. Can we really fire our ovaries?! What a brilliant idea!!!

    Suzan’s “Life is Better in a Tiara”

  7. it’s all too random for me — it’s like the uncertain teenage years, all over again. love you soul sister.
    Wacky Mommy recently posted..how to run a blog

  8. DJ

    My hormones have been on vacation for about a year now and I don’t think they are coming back! I know how you feel and it’s not all “warm and fuzzy”. For me it’s “hot and hideous”, lol.
    DJ recently posted..The Rabbits Run Free!

  9. ah yes, another stage of life. Someone once said the 50’s were the best…. the children are hopefully self sufficient, there’s a little bit better cash flow without the kidlings and you still have your health. You’ll get through this and enjoy the best years of your life :) By the way…. you have no choice in the matter so you might as well get on board and enjoy every day you are given :)

  10. I hope you are feeling better. Hugs.
    Karen recently posted..Are Things Changing

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