Archive for the ‘family’ Category

Some days still, I have flashback moments. Submerged in the feeling, the sensation, the moment. The sound of panic and fear in her voice when she called. The frustration while running down the hall alongside the gurney that I couldn’t get her earrings out for her. Holding my son’s face between my hands and looking deeply into his eyes, telling him firmly that everything was going to be all right. I truly believed that it would be, babies are born earlier than 34 weeks and do just fine. That feeling of relief when the nurse came out and said he was here, having a little trouble breathing, but someone would be out shortly to show us up to the NICU. A sinking feeling, like drowning slowly, as those minutes lengthened and we were left standing and wondering. Trying to grasp the look on the doctor’s face as he came through those doors, his words “I’m so sorry, so sorry”, echoing in my head.

Two years since I last held you in my arms. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, but your birthday is the hardest. When your little brother sits in his swing by your memorial garden, I watch him. He sometimes makes noises that sound like he is carrying on an entire conversation with someone, his back to me. Other times, he gazes up into the top of a tree and the most beatific smile spreads across his entire face and I know. I know you are there with him. You make a perfect guardian angel. It may not have been the choice we would have made for you, but I trust God. He knows a bit more than I do.

I love you Collin Michael. And although I miss you daily, I know that when my time comes to enter the long darkness you will be there. My bright beacon, my candle in the night, to guide me to the light.

(picture credit to ~ethereal-forest303 from Deviant Art)

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On Sunday, a group of bloggers was invited to Family Fun Day at the Del Mar Races. The weather was so perfect and I sprang for valet parking (I know, I really stepped out there didn’t I?). We took the g-babes and Nanny. We got to visit a bit with a bunch of bloggers (for the first time I knew more of them, than I didn’t know….I have really expanded my horizons, right?). Took the girls on a ride or two, waited in line for food, and bet on one race.

All in all, the girls had a wonderful time and it reminded my husband and I that we haven’t been to the races in years and years. So we have arranged for an ‘adult’ day during the week for us to go back and spend the day, betting, losing winning and just having fun.

Both the girls received a Webkinz Plush Horse as we entered the gates. I asked Ladybug what she was going to name hers and she said Hurry. I had her repeat it twice to be sure. So maybe the five year old understands more about horse racing than I thought?

If you can’t get a sitter and have kids ages 5-12, there is also "Camp Del Mar". Open everyday during the season, this is a safe, fun place to bring your kids for the day while parents have some adult-time at the races.   http://www.campdelmar.com/

There will also be another Family Fun Day over Labor Day weekend. Huge thanks to the Del Mar Thoroughbred Club for hosting and @HipMamaB for the invite!

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Good Friday morning one and all. Today I will be babysitting the highly entertaining, nearly three month old, RolyPoly so here is my quick post for the day before he arrives.

As you all know, I got my blog all prettified by the lovely Jenn at Designs By Princess Jenn. I am still accepting any and all compliments. I recommend her prices, her talent and her devotion to making your site whatever you want it to be!

For Father’s Day, I had Mr. Vixen’s Camaro painted. There were some issues (it ended up painted twice) and wasn’t ready until this week. But anyone can see it was worth the wait:

The last of my unemployment/disability ended yesterday. Knowing this was coming, I have applied for 50-60 jobs in the last two months. I will admit there are many more jobs listed out there than back in Jan 2009, but there still seems to be some problem with ANYONE calling me to interview. I had a professional take a look at my resume, so that isn’t the problem. It may be there are just still too many of us unemployed people out there. So if you know anyone who is looking to hire the best and the brightest: send them my way. I am a buyer/planner, but also an office manager, administrative assistant and I can be anyone’s right-hand (wo)man!

I am still behind in blogging things, but working hard to post daily is catching me up. Dear Bear is getting quite impatient for her “annual” birthday post (June 27 was her day) and I have promised her I will get to that at least next week.
I hope no other San Diegans hate me for this: But my only true hope for the weekend end is that this record-breaking cold weather goes away and we get a little JULY SIZZLE going. I want to hit the beach!

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Shhh, there is a baby asleep in my bed. I got to see the newest addition yesterday in the NICU. He is tiny, but doing well. His breathing is doing great, they took him off the vent, then put him on a cannula and by yesterday morn his ABGs were so good they were thinking about talking that off too. They are considering his gestational age at 30 weeks (so the neonatologist was wrong in her hopes that he was 32-33). So the doc says consider her due date (Aug 26th) as the date he may get to come home. It could be earlier, but we won’t know for some time. The issue now will be feeding. Apparently babies this young aren’t quite ready for food. The have started a pic line and a feeding tube. They will begin with just some sugar water and over the next few weeks start introducing some proteins/food slowly. There is some risk he may react to the food, not be able to tolerate it, or develop an infection. The doc says the NICU is a roller coaster ride and right now we are on the kiddie ride, but at any moment we could end up at the top of a big drop and not know how we got there. He took the pacifier and sucked a few times, which is a very good sign. Funny aside: the NICU doc recognized me as he was RolyPoly’s NICU doc in April and he remembered RolyPoly and asked how he was doing. I guess you could say I am getting to be the NICU Grama-expert. Not a great title, but I’ll take what I can get. Mom recovered very quickly and is doing pretty well. Still getting a little magnesium for her HBP, but otherwise great. Except she really wanted to go see little “Presto”. Thanks to Anna for his nickname, because it really was ‘hey, you are going to have a baby in a few weeks and then “Presto”: You are having a baby right now!’ I am not sure (because I have been babysitting RolyPoly this morning), but I think SusyQ was going to be allowed to try and get up to walk a bit last night and visit Presto in the NICU. Hope that went well.

In the meanwhile, I need to get back to 4th of July aprons or it will be November before they are done and what a waste that will be. Sometimes life throws punches at me and I can deflect them, sometimes they land a good blow. I just take it as best I can. The Universe sent me this note this morning and I am trying to take it to heart:

Actually, Vixen, it’s easier to accept others, than to change them. It’s wiser to understand them, than to get angry. And most of the time, it’s more fun to love ‘em, than to leave ‘em. Your call, The Universe

Have a wonderful Thursday and enjoy your loved ones. Sometimes it’s not easy, but it is always worth it in the end.

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A few months ago I got some exciting news. I started doing some research (okay I asked twitter) about how many people had given birth or were due to give birth in 2010. I was going to call it Year Of The Baby. Probably draw some parallels between unemployment rates and the suffering economy and what people due with with their time when they have no money…

But I never got around to it. And in never writing that post, I forgot to share a special story about Sparkles. If you have read my about me page, you know I have an “adopted” (not legally) son named Sparkles. He was been a very close part of our family life for many, many years. He did in fact live with us for a time, and has been at everyone of our special family events ever since then. Mr. Vixen and I love him as dearly as we love our (biological) son. I am his “other” mother and she and I don’t mind sharing. He is quiet, sweet, caring, loyal and I can always count on him to help me out no matter what. Just like my other kids.

Point is, he is(was) expecting his first child August 30th-ish. And I had ultrasounds to share and a plan for you all to help me come up with the baby’s super secret internet name. Well, sometimes life takes your choices and decisions out of your hands. Early this week, Sparkles’ girlfriend (let’s call her SusyQ because she isn’t real fond of her original super secret Internet name) was put on bed rest due to some signs of preeclampsia and her high blood pressure. Then an issue with the protein in her urine became worse and she went for a nights stay at the hospital for monitoring. Things got a little better, then a little worse, then a little better. Well you get the idea. Yesterday, we stopped by on our way to visit the horses and drop off some books for her to read. A perinatologist had read her ultrasounds and thought possibly the baby was 2-3 weeks further along than they thought. She had also received two steroid injections to help speed up the little guys lung development. But before we could leave the hospital the doc returned after visiting with the perinatologist and reviewing her chart (and headaches) and said he wanted to induce NOW. He explained the risks (apparently high blood pressure spikes are a leading cause of placental abruption) to the baby and the huge risks to SusyQ herself, including stroke and coma. She was not prepared to say the least. Tears were shed. In the end, she decided to proceed.

An hour or two later, I got the phone call from Sparkles that things were not going well and it was time for an emergent c-section. We live only moments from the hospital, so we got there in a flash.

Long story (and not getting any shorter) I would like to welcome my newest grandson Sean Liam into the world. He is quite small at 3 lbs 6 ozs and is in the NICU, but seems okay. Mom is well and recovered quickly. So: First sorry I forgot to tell you we were having another kid (whoopsie) and second…can you help me come up with a super secret Internet name for this little one? I know  you guys can have a  name picked out by the time I get back, because I am heading there now to see him IN PERSON because I haven’t got to hold him yet!!! (click on pictures for full view.)

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I have been thinking for some time now about getting Bear back into riding. It gives her a hobby, rewards her for her hard work and has always increased her self esteem. The added bonus was that I loved watching her bloom and enjoy. I also have a special place in my own heart for horses. I’ve always denied myself things that I enjoy….always considering other things that would please the entire family or my husband or my kids. You know, the ultimate mommy/wife: Them first, me second. I don’t regret those years at all, but I have come to realize that ‘me-second’ usually equated to ‘me-never’. Life has been tossing me hard lessens left and right over the past two years and I am nothing if not a quick learner. What I am learning most is that life is short and you had best enjoy it while you can!

I am working hard on being a better me. A better mom. A better wife. But mostly, just better at being me. I need a life full of love and family and  joy and health. To achieve that I have to work. Not hard work, just attention to detail work. One way I have decided to embark is leasing a horse. Not leasing a horse for Bear, but for myself. Bear is a hard worker (even while being a full-time college student-you go girl!) and is leasing her own horse. But we are doing it together. I get just as much joy (and exercise!) as her and we get to spend time together doing something we both love. Obviously, God was smiling on me when I made this decision, because we found a pair of horses available (owned by a mother/daughter team) that love each other as much as Bear and I love each other.

Even better? The horses picked us. We honestly just bonded together. Without further ado, I introduce our newest heart-holders: Knighthawk and Rain. Knighthawk is a buckskin Mustang, who fell in love with my little filly girl at first sight. Rain is a beautiful black Tennessee Walker who I swear performed a Vulcan mind-meld on me that sealed the deal. So far, we have only ridden a bit in the ring and given them both a much needed bath. Tomorrow we will go out on our first trail ride. I can hardly wait.

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My brother, MacD and my nephew battle it out.

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Growing up, my parents took me camping all the time. Nearly every special memory I have from my youth was at a campground or the cabin (which was camping, but with a bed!). The first 14 years of my married life were spent in Utah where camping is plentiful and my kids were indoctrinated at a very early age. After moving here in 1998, we camped a lot less. Life got busier and then the kids became teens and next thing I knew, they were all grown up and trying to live their own lives. But I miss camping a lot and I felt sad that Ladybug and Butterball weren’t growing up with the camping experience. So, for Nannygoat’s birthday I bought her and her family a giant tent! Then on Mother’s Day I bought her a camp stove. To top it all off, I made reservations for two sites at a local campground for this past weekend. Super close to home in case we needed to go back and just for one night–sort of a practice run.

Of course our newest addition to the family, RolyPoly, wasn’t about to be left out. So MacDougal, Funsize and the new babe pitched their tent too! Sparkles brought Floozy on her first camping trip with us and Lightening Boy came too. My cousin brought her two girls for the day so she (an they) could finally meet RolyPoly and her kids could play with Ladybug and Butterball. Although Bear and Fishboy couldn’t stay with us due to work on Sunday, they still came up Saturday evening for s’mores and a a visit.

My fun loving grand-girls had the time of their lives! Dirt, dirt and more dirt is the newest and most fun toy they’ve ever played with! The adults had a very nice time also. RolyPoly has been having some issues sleeping at night since he was born. Apparently the camping gene runs very strong in him, as his night at the campground was the best night he’s slept since he was born! All in all, it was a great time. Check out the pictures here on my flickr, the one here of RolyPoly is one of my faves!

I have so much going on I need to get around to sharing with you. Working on a big, special, fancy, blog redesign! And maybe then I will be inspired and blog some more (ha ha ha).  Registered for college….I have no idea what I am doing, but apparently I need to decide soon. Ladybug had her IEP for KINDERGARDEN!?!?! (not sure how that is possible, since she was just born right?). More to share about the babes, life in general, and stuff (like this new laptop I am typing on right now).

Health-wise, I am doing great. The meds kicked right in and I am right back on track. Now I just need to get back on track here. Thanks to all of you for hanging around during my ‘distracted by new baby’ time. I won’t say it’s over yet, but I hope for the blog’s sake I can get some writing done!

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NannyGoat made me a video of the last five years of our lives together for Mother’s Day. Such a terrific gift of love and memories.

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Whoa there, what? I promised a post on Friday? And it’s Tuesday? And you are going to get bullets and a video? What can I say, new babies (even if they are new grandbabies) are time consuming!

• I am working on a redesign of the site. FINALLY. Well, really someone else is working on it. I am working on paying for it.
• I have four custom orders for Mother’s Day and three need to be done for shipping by tomorrow!
• RolyPoly gained two ounces from birth at his one week checkup. Doc was surprised, as they usually lose weight and take two weeks to get back up to birth weight. I was not surprised, as I’ve seen the boy eat. All the more cheeks to squoosh.
• My oldest baby turns 26 tomorrow. Well, technically 26. As a family, we voted that makes us all too old so we are re-celebrating 22. Works for me.
• He is just this cute:
• In this adorable video, Ladybug sings to her cousin a very soft lullabye. Even she knows people should be quiet around new babies. Obviously, the adults around her don’t remember to talk quietly, so you have to listen carefully to hear her lovely song.

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