My Candle In The Night
Some days still, I have flashback moments. Submerged in the feeling, the sensation, the moment. The sound of panic and fear in her voice when she called. The frustration while running down the hall alongside the gurney that I couldn’t get her earrings out for her. Holding my son’s face between my hands and looking deeply into his eyes, telling him firmly that everything was going to be all right. I truly believed that it would be, babies are born earlier than 34 weeks and do just fine. That feeling of relief when the nurse came out and said he was here, having a little trouble breathing, but someone would be out shortly to show us up to the NICU. A sinking feeling, like drowning slowly, as those minutes lengthened and we were left standing and wondering. Trying to grasp the look on the doctor’s face as he came through those doors, his words “I’m so sorry, so sorry”, echoing in my head.
Two years since I last held you in my arms. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, but your birthday is the hardest. When your little brother sits in his swing by your memorial garden, I watch him. He sometimes makes noises that sound like he is carrying on an entire conversation with someone, his back to me. Other times, he gazes up into the top of a tree and the most beatific smile spreads across his entire face and I know. I know you are there with him. You make a perfect guardian angel. It may not have been the choice we would have made for you, but I trust God. He knows a bit more than I do.
I love you Collin Michael. And although I miss you daily, I know that when my time comes to enter the long darkness you will be there. My bright beacon, my candle in the night, to guide me to the light.
(picture credit to ~ethereal-forest303 from Deviant Art)
It Must Be Sunday
- Coma :: A soap opera standard, back in the day.
- Aristotle :: Married to Jacki Kennedy?
- Pink eye :: Haven’t had to deal with that for years, thank heavens.
- Expensive :: Life
- Dancer :: White Knights: Mikhail Baryshnikov & Gregory Hines RAWR
- Lipstick :: Must use to protect lips from sun
- Buffer :: polish
- Stilettos :: Sexy
- Booming :: the kid’s radio across the street while he cleans his car
- Rap :: Eminem
And to any new fans we made along the way, I say… welcome to our party. It’s just starting to get going.
Hi to all who are here visiting from the bloghop over at BlogHer@Home. This is my second year participating and sponsoring a giveaway. I have met many great friends through my blog and twitter, but a lot of the dearest ones I met when I stumbled upon BlogHer@Home last year. I had just undergone surgery and was on painkillers, sad that I couldn’t attend BlogHer and attended in my pj’s! It was great fun and I am glad to be here again this weekend!
Hmmm, what to tell you about me that isn’t already out there? First, I guess, if you are new here you should read the about me thingy. I am older than most the people I connect online with, but I don’t have a problem with that. Family is most important to me. The last few years have been rough, but have taught me that life truly is short and has changed my entire outlook on how and what I appreciate the most. I worked my entire life up until Jan of 2009. Hope to be back to earning an income soon. My kids and grandkids are my life. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am very close to my extended family, even though they all think I am strange (probably because I am). With age comes experience, so I don’t do drama (internet or otherwise). I just don’t. I don’t choose sides one way or the other and stay away. If that makes people mad at me, then so be it. I am who I am, take me or leave me.
I have four beautiful grandchildren (one with special needs) and one angel grandbaby. I talk about them entirely too much, but it is what it is. My kids are fantastic. My husband (of 28 years) can be a pain in the ass and I love him to death!
Scroll through my stuff, and if you like, stick around. Post a comment and I will always visit you. I look forward to meeting new friends this year through BH@H! Don’t forget to enter to win one of my aprons tonight around midnight EST! See you then!
Calling All Homebodies
There is a large percentage (in my opinion) of us bloggers out here in the internet universe that don’t want to go to a conference. Or want to, but probably could never afford to go. Or be away from the kids for that long. Or get the time off work.
That doesn’t mean that we don’t crave the one-on-one time with internet friends or the chance to meet someone new!
Last year, the smart and intelligent girls at BHAH came up with the answer and the first BlogHerAtHome was held. It was a blast and I had a great time. I met a bunch of new people, who still now remain good friends!
It is that time of year again….so for all of you heading off to NYC, well have fun. For those of you (like me) who are unable to attend BlogHer, please feel free to join us at BlogHerAtHome. Fun people, prizes (you could win an apron from ApronFrenzy! among other things) and good times. Hope to see you there!
As she has planted, so does she harvest; such is the field of karma.
I can’t remember how Marsha and I hooked up online, but her first act of kindness came when she sent me a message and asked me to review a product she had received, just because. She is a very kind person and asked nothing in return. (This is my guest post/review from back in April, in case you missed it. )The extra added bonus to meeting her? Finding her site Lovin’ Life on Less!
She does all the legwork for me and shares all her finds! Lately I’ve really scored big from visiting her site. My little video camera that Bear gave for Christmas went missing over Memorial weekend. We have searched and searched, but can’t find it anywhere. Now that RolyPoly is getting so big, I was really starting to miss my video. One day I was checking out her site and she shared this link for a Flip Ultra! It was one day only and I never would have seen it-I wasn’t really looking for them because I thought there were too expensive. I ordered it and it arrived on Saturday. It is so easy, fun and light. I love it. I would never have been able to afford it, if not for Marsha sharing that link.
In only 23 days, Ladybug starts KINDERGARTEN! I can’t believe our little miracle baby is a big school girl now. Of course, there was a list sent out of the supplies she’d need. Once again, Marsha came through with this great link comparing back to school deals! So now I can help Nanny and Ladybug out, while saving money.
Marsha doesn’t even know I am writing this post about her, I just wanted to share all her deals with you! So if you want to save money, head on over and visit her site and start Lovin’ Life On Less!
A Pony Named Hurry
On Sunday, a group of bloggers was invited to Family Fun Day at the Del Mar Races. The weather was so perfect and I sprang for valet parking (I know, I really stepped out there didn’t I?). We took the g-babes and Nanny. We got to visit a bit with a bunch of bloggers (for the first time I knew more of them, than I didn’t know….I have really expanded my horizons, right?). Took the girls on a ride or two, waited in line for food, and bet on one race.
All in all, the girls had a wonderful time and it reminded my husband and I that we haven’t been to the races in years and years. So we have arranged for an ‘adult’ day during the week for us to go back and spend the day, betting, losing winning and just having fun.
Both the girls received a Webkinz Plush Horse as we entered the gates. I asked Ladybug what she was going to name hers and she said Hurry. I had her repeat it twice to be sure. So maybe the five year old understands more about horse racing than I thought?
If you can’t get a sitter and have kids ages 5-12, there is also "Camp Del Mar". Open everyday during the season, this is a safe, fun place to bring your kids for the day while parents have some adult-time at the races. http://www.campdelmar.com/
There will also be another Family Fun Day over Labor Day weekend. Huge thanks to the Del Mar Thoroughbred Club for hosting and @HipMamaB for the invite!
The Future Of My Bedroom Depends On Your Vote
When I entered CSN Stores Big Bad Bedroom Breakup for a chance at a $10,000 makeover, I didn’t have high hopes of winning. I never win anything. Imagine my surprise when I received notification that out of 6,100 entries mine was chosen as one of the 200+ finalists competing for the semi finals! I submitted my pictures and made it here to the finals! There are only 86 of us and the contestant with the most votes will automatically be placed in the Top 5 Contendors, but the winner of the $10,000 bedroom make-over will be chosen by celebrity designer Michael Payne and the CSN Room Rescue Crew.
So I need your VOTE. Please go here and scroll over pictures to Vickie in Escondido (approx 3rd pic) then click on picture and to vote click five stars (if you are on Facebook. You may have to click on the Contest Voting tab to get to the voting) or go VOTE here for -Vickie in Escondido (approx 3rd pic) (if you don’t use Facebook). This would be a dream come true for me and I truly appreciate each and every vote. Voting is open until September 10th, so tell everyone you know!
Here is my submission and my pic:
My bedroom is other peoples’ leftovers and throwaways. After 28 years of marriage, my husband and I hit a rough spot a few years ago when he became disabled, but has been unable to receive his benefits (still waiting 3yrs later). I was the sole provider, until the economy stole my job last year. Since then, we’ve been evicted and gave away most of our stuff. Now we are stable again, but have no money to style our bedroom. Due to all of this bad stuff, our time in the bedroom has been spent for sleep alone. I miss our close time, I miss cuddling and feeling at peace and comfortable in our room: our space.
See how badly I need to win? I don’t even have a dresser! I just move my folded laundry from place to place, depending on the time of day.
You can make a difference just by voting. And telling your friends and family to vote! Imagine getting to watch my bedroom be decorated by a celebrity designer!
I wanna breakup with my bedroom! Help!
Daydreaming At Night
I often have trouble falling asleep. My body is exhausted, but my brain just won’t stop. Over the years I found that if I just ‘put out’ of my mind whatever was bothering me, I could eventually get some rest. The problem being that my brain needed something to distract itself. So years and years ago, I started redecorating my house. In my head. Since then we’ve moved, the house I was decorating in my head burned down and things have changed. So the old ‘renovations’ just don’t work anymore. With all that has been going on in my life the last few years, I forgot how to calm myself to sleep.
Lately worrying has notched up again; about stuff going on like Presto and the fact that I still don’t have a job and no one is breaking down my door to give me one. Keep in mind, my daydream decorating was always something achievable, not the kind of renovations I would do if I won the lottery. So I’ve started redecorating again. In this house, in my head. But now with the internet (and a self inflicted HGTV addiction), I can get real ideas. And maybe, someday, start to bring them to life.
I am going to start in the living room, just a basic makeover. Starting with a couch that is new and wasn’t once in the entry of my old work, a chaise with some fabulous table lamps (I’ve always dreamed of lying around all day on a chaise while reading books), a big flat screen television mounted on the wall so I have more room for seating (I have one of those ‘old fashioned TVs that takes up four square feet for only 34″ of screen), and a special area rug because the rugs always make a difference in every makeover show I see. I’ve been looking around (you know, in case I do win the lottery) and I wanted to share some of the ones I fell in love with. I found all these at Overstock because I have the feeling my chances of winning the lottery will depend on me actually buying a ticket….and well, they have great prices and someday maybe I’ll have a job again.
Honestly, doesn’t it look great so far? Perhaps I should try out to be the next DesignStar, what do you think?
Adam and Eve had many advantages but the principal one was, that they escaped teething
It has been 19 years since I spent my days with a teething baby. I am not, at this point, waxing nostalgic. So far today, it has taken three hours of rocking, swaying, chewing on a vibrating teether, a dose of Ibu, an explosive diaper episode, a calming bath, and more standing and swaying (me not him) to feel the freedom of a 20 minutes nap. Then there was a little more bottle and a 12 minute nap. Then a diaper change and the rest of the bottle and we are now 10 minutes into nap three. And the drool? How did I forget the amount of drool one small being is capable of emitting? Shirt four already today.
Someone remind me why we had to give up the whiskey on the gums thing?
Edited two hours later: Last nap lasted quite a long time, but unable to eat the bottle. A quick run to the store and one small bottle of miracle (aka Baby Orajel) later and happy RolyPoly is back! Guess I can use that whiskey on myself!
