But you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
And life’s like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe ~ Anna Nalick, 2 am

Yesterday afternoon Funsize began bleeding. 911 was summoned and after an emergency c-section and 30 minutes of valiant effort by the doctors, my beloved grandson joined God as our angel.

As I held his tiny body with one arm and my grieving son with the other, I was seized by panic that for the first time in my life I am unable to make things better. I whispered in their ears my love for them, their beauty, their perfection. He was lovely. And perfect. Perfectly lovely.

I am broken. The pain is physical and grips me. Unable to cry, I stand by silently as I watch my son’s heart shatter into millions of icy, sharp, hard shards.

I cry now, at 4am and am unable to stop. Please keep Funsize and MacDougal in your hearts and prayers.

Collin Michael

5 lb 1 oz., 17.25″

Born 8/9/08, in our hearts forever.