Heads Or Tails – TAILS – Any other word starting with the letter “V”

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vac·il·late (v?s’?-l?t’) Pronunciation Key
intr.v. vac·il·lat·ed, vac·il·lat·ing, vac·il·lates

  1. To sway from one side to the other; oscillate.
  2. To swing indecisively from one course of action or opinion to another.

Interesting that I found this word. A word that defines how I have felt for days (weeks? time seems expanded and contracted). There seems a giant sway in my life focus. That has never happened to me before. It makes me feel as if the world has slipped out from under my feet. I have always, no matter what was going on, felt grounded in some way. I have been confused, afraid, lost; but never have I lost my footing. One day I feel hopeful and newly alive, as if I escaped some great danger (well, I did) and others I am afloat in a frightening landscape of unknown and unfixable.

Honestly, today I felt hopeful and optimistic; yet beneath it all lurked some kind of depressive fear and leeriness. The flow and sway is truly the most unsettling feeling I have ever had.

I know not where I go or even what I think, feel or expect. I am a control freak in the midst of a universe of uncontrollable feelings. It is…..

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  1. I had a hard time with this weeks heads or tails. Yours is awesome.

    Thank you Jennifer. It just popped into my head. Usually my best writing is not thought out.

  2. kinda like parking diagonally in a parallel universe!!
    My “V” is posted, I’d love to have you drop by for a visit if you can find time.

    What an absolutely great saying Anni. I need to work on my parking skillz

  3. wow, wonderful and expressive. Hope your Tuesday is a good one.

    Tuesday is going ok so far, thanks!

  4. Mar

    Hang in there, you have made through some rough times, you will make it through this as well.

  5. To vacillate is a women’s perogitive, right? Well in any case – how do you feel about coffee? (I’ve never met a blogging buddy in person – but then again you’re the only one I have who lives in this city)

    Hey, I checked out that video of Smack My…. Kinda technoish, I like the beat – but then when they started singing I had to shut it off, yikes, I don’t think I can get away with that at work :-0

    I like coffee. I have never met a blogging buddy in person either, it can be both our firsts! Yea, I am not fond of the lyrics of that song.

  6. Wonderful post! I’ve had trouble feeling the same way for the past few months. I think I am just now coming out of it.

    Well not good that you felt that way, but good that you are coming out of it. There is hope then!

  7. I know exactly how that feels.
    Happy Tuesday, anyway! 🙂

    That is one of the things I like about blogging, the feeling that you are not alone no matter what you are feeling.

  8. “One day I feel hopeful and newly alive, as if I escaped some great danger (well, I did) and others I am afloat in a frightening landscape of unknown and unfixable.”
    Sounds like you are still exhibiting symptoms of ptsd. I don’t doubt it. I had a nightmare about it lastnight, that, and my bags are still packed and sitting in the hallway.

    HA HA, I still have the stuff in the back of the van! What a sad lot we are.

  9. I don’t want to minimize what you are experiencing, but I often find that when I feel like you do now, I know a change is coming. Vacillation is my way of coming to terms and accepting it (being another control freak and wanting to be able to predict every moment of life). Give yourself time, if you can, to explore and experience this new experience.

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